SMMR 24: The Awkward Silence

Hello and welcome back to another review! I am going to do something a little different this time and review a series so be prepared for installments! The next review will be on the Amazon show: American Gods. For those of you who haven’t seen it advertised it stars the fantastic Mr Lovejoy and Calvin from Hollyoaks and the dancing. Now this show is based on some Neil Gaiman books so you can expect it to be a bit odd. If, like me, NG is a bit much for you – based on the first episode I have seen you can still watch it but it is not the sort of thing you can watch with a hangover or one eye open. Another important thing to note….my fellow watcher was my good buddy’s other half Mr W, who is also a bit of a part time worker so can watch TV in the afternoons too. And finally to the review of S1 Ep1! The opening 5 minutes were a bit brutal, I mean they didn’t hold back there at all. Good way to start I thought. Correct number of dead people. Then you get a bit of Calvin with his muscles out which is nice and his American accent isn’t too bad really. Then there is this horrendously awkward rudey nudey bit. And I mean like what the hell is going on here type of awkward. I did not know where to look. Lovejoy (he wasn’t in the rude bit) has been pretty good so far as always. No snacks were consumed during the episode but I had half a glass of orange and pineapple juice which I think should be outlawed. In fact, I think all pineapples should be erased from the face of the planet. They add nothing to mankind. I hate pineapple. This episode will get an introductory score of:

SMMR Score: 8/36.3


SMMR 23: The Snail Hammer

Today’s review is here to cheer your undoubtedly dull Monday! So this weekend I watched four movies this weekend, I’ll save two to be reviewed later. As there were two films about hit and runs – I’ll start with those. The first was The Judge and the second was Reasonable Doubt. So movie number 1 – The Judge – starring the handsome devils Robert Downey Jr and Billy Bob Thornton. This movie was pretty slow, not a dying snail pace but perhaps a severely injured snail who goes on to make a full recovery pace. I only stayed awake through the whole thing because I’d had a 2 hour nap at 11am. The movie is ok but there isn’t really anything gripping. Snacks were half a bag of kettle chips. The second movie was Reasonable Doubt with Samuel L. Jackson and some chap with a fancy hair cut. This movie was slightly faster but involved a hammer and I don’t really like films with hammers in them. It also didn’t have much to do with Reasonable Doubt which was annoying. I had dinner which was Chinese food (chow mein again) and that was nice and also free for me! I am going to combine this weeks score and go for a slow hammering score…

SMMR Score: 14/42

TRR 3: Bal games

Ah another TRR (Tuesday Random Review) – the third in the series. Now I know the T is usually for Tuesday but as I am still sat in my empty flat I am making it Thursday too. I can do that. I have the power. So today’s TRR  is going to be on the wonder that is BAL grout mix. Ma & Pa were kind enough to bring some round today as I had 2 wobbly tiles. Now before I go on you should know that whilst I could be called a DIY enthusiast I am not very good and this was my first time grouting. It being my first groutathon I decided that as I am a trail blazer, I would not read the instructions and go ahead with instinct and my two tiles. It went swimmingly. It really did. I was pleased. Then I made a slight error in judgement and decided that as some of the grout was looking a bit gross I would go ahead and clean it up with a new covering. I ploded forward with it my mix falling off as I was putting it on. Here is where I decided to Google if I was doing it right. I was not. Firstly you need a bunch of tools apparently and gloves and a mask?! Seemed a bit excessive, I had been left, along with BAL mix, a Lurpak tub and and old Magnum ice cream stick. I assumed this was the standard kit. It is not. A bit of jiggery-pokery with the mix and I was off again but after fixing the worst of the tiles it made everything look real bad. So now I am regrouting the whole kitchen. No snacks we consumed as I don’t think that would have been wise. I’m not sure if I should use the hob yet so I will skip dinner and have a sandwich after I get the mix off the chopping board. Overall view on BAL mix is that it is good but possibly in the hands of a master craftsman it could be quite splendid.

TRR Score: 17/26

Stay tuned for the next TRR on Dow Cornering silicone sealant

SMMR 22: The Bootleg

So another review to do even though it’s not Saturday but as I am sat in a mostly empty flat I thought I would do one as I am a bit bored.  This review is on the 1994 ‘classic’ Interview with the Vampire. Interesting side note – I always thought it was called Interview with a Vampire. It’s not, so there you go – you learn something fascinating every day. Anyway back to the showing – another in-flight movie with BA. I was quite surprised by this movie as in my memory it was ok, even those crazy noodles at IMDB gave it 7.6/10 (although their scoring is utterly baffling). The film was so grainy it seem BA had purchased a dodgy VHS from some market stall. I’m sure it can’t have been that bad quality originally but this was just terrible. Whilst the quality was bad, the acting was truly crap. I know they are meant to be dead but they (big time actors Brad Pitt & Tom Cruise) act like they have woken up after being hit in the head and are just remembering how to speak. It is immensely annoying. The snacks for this were standard BA fare as in the last review. In a break from the norm I am going to include snacks eaten just before writing this review as that has changed things a bit. I had 5 giant buttons. I would have had more but I am making risotto for the first time in an hour and I don’t want to ruin my appetite. I was disappointed by the film but I am quite excited about the upcoming risotto making so the score will be…

SMMR Score: 5/32

SMMR 21: The Travel Edition

So this review is on A Street Cat named Bob. I recently watched this film on a long haul flight and I’m not really sure why. It’s not the normal sort of thing I would go in for but I was confused and/or tired. This film is about a cat and it’s owner. It is a sort of redemption tale I guess with Bob helping the owner. It should be an enjoyable, happy film but dear fricking god it is dull. Like really, really boring. The cat wore a scarf sometimes which some people may find cute but personally I think that it is just stupid. If cats needed scarves they would have learnt to knit in the wild. They haven’t, therefore they don’t. I can’t quite remember what I ate during this film but it would have included Haribo which I like and a plus is that I got a bigger travel edition Haribo bag from Smiths at the Airport*.

SMMR Score: -70/3  

*Please Note: other jellied sweets and retailers are available

TRR 2: Propellers of Doom

Tuesday Afternoon Random Review!! Well I know it’s not Saturday and I don’t want SMMR fans to get too excited thinking there is one of the rare mid week reviews….but I am going to do a review! It was going to be a movie review but for reasons I will explain in a mo it isn’t. Today I am branching out and I’m going to review my recent trip from Düsseldorf to London with the purple plane people… Flybe. Now this is my fourth time in their stupid propeller plane and it is getting better (the first time myself and everyone else on board thought it was going to plummet from the sky in a death ball of flames. It didn’t so that was a plus). Back to this flight. It has been pretty uncomfortable as the chap next to me has taken up a lot of my space with his unnecessary leg spreading so I think he should probably give me some money. I could have moved but I want to be near the front as in the event of a water landing the rear doors don’t open. ( They don’t tell you this when they are up in the middle waving at the exits and wearing a lifejacket, you have to read the plastic card) Anyway the film was going to be The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas but it wasn’t about an autistic boy going on a bus which is what I had thought. That is a different film. I felt a little uncomfortable with all the flags and saluting whilst in the departure lounge so I abandoned it.  I had no snacks but I did make it in one piece

TRR Score: 6.9/59

SMMR 20: The Squares

Today’s movie review will be last nights Channel 4 showing of Battleship. I’ll admit I didn’t know anything about this movie before watching, other than it had Rihanna in it and it wasn’t great. I wasn’t sure I was going to keep watching but then I saw it had that handsome fellow in it from True Blood so I stuck with it. *Spoilers* There were a few issues with this film, mainly when I wasn’t looking the main character got his hair cut so I was utterly baffled for a good 10 mins about who the new guy was. I think they should have shown him at least going to the barbers. My second fairly large problem is the entire plot. Aliens are always coming to earth in these types of films and killing everyone. I think there should a film where aliens come earth and say wow look you have velcro and jelly and twirls. We have flying stuff and magic boots and stuff …let’s trade! Other slight issues were that Rihanna was predictably annoying and handsome fellow was killed off early which was a shame. I laughed twice at fairly bad jokes so it wasn’t all bad, plus it has Liam Neeson so that’s nice. Snacks included one Chinese takeaway, one beer and one line of dairy milk (5 squares) I would have had some chewits but I was a bit full. Chinese food was excellent but after dinner I had to hang washing out which I don’t enjoy therefore…

SMMR Score: 3.8/13

SMMR 19: The Birthday Review

I was going to do a birthday movie review this weekend of Nocturnal Animals …it looked a bit scary for me but I was determined so I sat down with a Tupperware tub of cold pesto pasta and a beer. The first 15 mins were pretty good even though it was a bit unsettling and I happily munched on the pasta. Due to the unforeseen circumstances of having 3 beers at lunch I promptly fell asleep until the last 5 mins of the film which involved a woman looking pensive. I don’t know what happened to her, it could have been anything really.

SMMR 18: The 3 for 1

So todays movie was Road to Perdition which I started yesterday but then was too tired.  I was going to continue watching it this morning but instead I started to watch Monument Men but that was a bit boring. So therefore settled on Twilight which was recommended to me by a source who wishes to remain anonymous. Now this movie is bad. Not the good bad just bad. A lot of moody looks and the girls annoying face makes for painful watching. I also was distracted by the fact that vampires can’t eat and if I were a vampire I wouldn’t be able to eat potatoes. I thought about potatoes for the rest of the film.  I had a bacon sandwich which gets 1 point and potato thoughts also get 1 point.

SMMR Score: 2/14

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