SMMR 22: The Bootleg

So another review to do even though it’s not Saturday but as I am sat in a mostly empty flat I thought I would do one as I am a bit bored.  This review is on the 1994 ‘classic’ Interview with the Vampire. Interesting side note – I always thought it was called Interview with a Vampire. It’s not, so there you go – you learn something fascinating every day. Anyway back to the showing – another in-flight movie with BA. I was quite surprised by this movie as in my memory it was ok, even those crazy noodles at IMDB gave it 7.6/10 (although their scoring is utterly baffling). The film was so grainy it seem BA had purchased a dodgy VHS from some market stall. I’m sure it can’t have been that bad quality originally but this was just terrible. Whilst the quality was bad, the acting was truly crap. I know they are meant to be dead but they (big time actors Brad Pitt & Tom Cruise) act like they have woken up after being hit in the head and are just remembering how to speak. It is immensely annoying. The snacks for this were standard BA fare as in the last review. In a break from the norm I am going to include snacks eaten just before writing this review as that has changed things a bit. I had 5 giant buttons. I would have had more but I am making risotto for the first time in an hour and I don’t want to ruin my appetite. I was disappointed by the film but I am quite excited about the upcoming risotto making so the score will be…

SMMR Score: 5/32

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SMMR 21: The Travel Edition

So this review is on A Street Cat named Bob. I recently watched this film on a long haul flight and I’m not really sure why. It’s not the normal sort of thing I would go in for but I was confused and/or tired. This film is about a cat and it’s owner. It is a sort of redemption tale I guess with Bob helping the owner. It should be an enjoyable, happy film but dear fricking god it is dull. Like really, really boring. The cat wore a scarf sometimes which some people may find cute but personally I think that it is just stupid. If cats needed scarves they would have learnt to knit in the wild. They haven’t, therefore they don’t. I can’t quite remember what I ate during this film but it would have included Haribo which I like and a plus is that I got a bigger travel edition Haribo bag from Smiths at the Airport*.

SMMR Score: -70/3  

*Please Note: other jellied sweets and retailers are available

TRR 2: Propellers of Doom

Tuesday Afternoon Random Review!! Well I know it’s not Saturday and I don’t want SMMR fans to get too excited thinking there is one of the rare mid week reviews….but I am going to do a review! It was going to be a movie review but for reasons I will explain in a mo it isn’t. Today I am branching out and I’m going to review my recent trip from Düsseldorf to London with the purple plane people… Flybe. Now this is my fourth time in their stupid propeller plane and it is getting better (the first time myself and everyone else on board thought it was going to plummet from the sky in a death ball of flames. It didn’t so that was a plus). Back to this flight. It has been pretty uncomfortable as the chap next to me has taken up a lot of my space with his unnecessary leg spreading so I think he should probably give me some money. I could have moved but I want to be near the front as in the event of a water landing the rear doors don’t open. ( They don’t tell you this when they are up in the middle waving at the exits and wearing a lifejacket, you have to read the plastic card) Anyway the film was going to be The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas but it wasn’t about an autistic boy going on a bus which is what I had thought. That is a different film. I felt a little uncomfortable with all the flags and saluting whilst in the departure lounge so I abandoned it.  I had no snacks but I did make it in one piece

TRR Score: 6.9/59

SMMR 20: The Squares

Today’s movie review will be last nights Channel 4 showing of Battleship. I’ll admit I didn’t know anything about this movie before watching, other than it had Rihanna in it and it wasn’t great. I wasn’t sure I was going to keep watching but then I saw it had that handsome fellow in it from True Blood so I stuck with it. *Spoilers* There were a few issues with this film, mainly when I wasn’t looking the main character got his hair cut so I was utterly baffled for a good 10 mins about who the new guy was. I think they should have shown him at least going to the barbers. My second fairly large problem is the entire plot. Aliens are always coming to earth in these types of films and killing everyone. I think there should a film where aliens come earth and say wow look you have velcro and jelly and twirls. We have flying stuff and magic boots and stuff …let’s trade! Other slight issues were that Rihanna was predictably annoying and handsome fellow was killed off early which was a shame. I laughed twice at fairly bad jokes so it wasn’t all bad, plus it has Liam Neeson so that’s nice. Snacks included one Chinese takeaway, one beer and one line of dairy milk (5 squares) I would have had some chewits but I was a bit full. Chinese food was excellent but after dinner I had to hang washing out which I don’t enjoy therefore…

SMMR Score: 3.8/13

SMMR 19: The Birthday Review

I was going to do a birthday movie review this weekend of Nocturnal Animals …it looked a bit scary for me but I was determined so I sat down with a Tupperware tub of cold pesto pasta and a beer. The first 15 mins were pretty good even though it was a bit unsettling and I happily munched on the pasta. Due to the unforeseen circumstances of having 3 beers at lunch I promptly fell asleep until the last 5 mins of the film which involved a woman looking pensive. I don’t know what happened to her, it could have been anything really.

SMMR 18: The 3 for 1

So todays movie was Road to Perdition which I started yesterday but then was too tired.  I was going to continue watching it this morning but instead I started to watch Monument Men but that was a bit boring. So therefore settled on Twilight which was recommended to me by a source who wishes to remain anonymous. Now this movie is bad. Not the good bad just bad. A lot of moody looks and the girls annoying face makes for painful watching. I also was distracted by the fact that vampires can’t eat and if I were a vampire I wouldn’t be able to eat potatoes. I thought about potatoes for the rest of the film.  I had a bacon sandwich which gets 1 point and potato thoughts also get 1 point.

SMMR Score: 2/14

SMMR 17: The Non Review

 

{SPOILERS}

I was going to review Limitless last weekend but it was such a turd of a film I couldn’t do it. Who has all the brain power in the world and becomes a politician? Why wouldn’t you invent a flying suit and fly round all day eating twirls?! Why!!! That’s what I’d do. I ate a twirl watching the movie and that was nice.

SMMR 16: The Beaten Rug

Due to the immense pressure (thanks Mr Brown) for another SMMR I have finally managed to watch an entire film this weekend without falling asleep. So this weeks film is Two Faces of January (it was just on film4). Now, the voiceover man described this film as a thriller. He was mistaken. I would say 2% was possibly thrilling but that may be excessive. There was a scene where an unsuspecting rug salesman got pushed a bit and I was concerned for his welfare but he was ok. That was really the highlight of the whole thing though. Snacks for this movie included some honeycomb ice cream and 2 spoons of Benylin. Mr M had a malteaser bar which I said it was ok not to share. That was a mistake on my part.

SMMR:  3/40

SMMR 15: The Big Shirt

So my last SMMR was on the 4th June which is a bit silly so I am going to make amends by doing a review. Even though it’s Wednesday. I’m sure you’re all thinking… “God a midweek review… This is the best week ever!” So here it is: This Wednesday’s film was Assault on Wall Street. It stars some guy that I haven’t heard of but it is likely he has been in other things. Basically the film is about a very angry man and his oversized shirt. The film doesn’t really clear up why his shirt is so big and it was quite distracting…maybe thats why he was angry. Who knows. There is an impressive/ridiculous body count (about 100) in the film which I didn’t mind as its after 10am. There are some poor stunts which I enjoyed too. Snacks were: a slice of pizza, a salad and rolos. Plus points on the snacks for the mini packet of rolos. Minus points for there only being 3 chuffing rolos in a pack. 

SMMR Score: 5.75/37

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